A Diversion From the Norm

I love beef. I craved, with a passion, medium-rare hamburgers all through my pregnancy, LOVE a pink steak with eggs for breakfast, love meatloaf, hamburger helper, beef hotdogs, and, well, you get the idea. Oh, and that commercial where the proud trumpet plays while you watch a montage of all the men standing next to their barbecues? I love that commercial!! I seriously cheer when I see it =) Now that my love for the product has been established ...

So recently I read this book. It was a medical thriller which happened to explain some of the way things work in a meat processing plant. The book was fictional, but the author offers at the end, a suggestion to check out some books from which the inspiration for his story came. Because the gruesomeness of the book had made me nearly swear off hamburger for life, I HAD to investigate the facts. Surely this was hype. Surely the beef industry could not be THAT bad?! Imagine my surprise when I find videotape, scientific reports, and MSNBC in depth and undercover reports validating the attrocities detailed in the fictional book. Originally, when I had set out to read about meat processing, my concern was for my health and the health of my daughter. After watching videotape that is beyond inhumane involving the treatment of ill cows in attempts to get them to pass inspection I am even more averse to the idea of consuming beef. I am not an environmentalist, a veggie lover, a health nut, an environmentalist or an activist by nature. I say this because I think it adds validity to my current concern with ongoing consumption of beef. To explain my concerns I have to get a bit graphic: I apologize!
Here's the story for those who are unaware. E-Coli comes from fecal contamination. People believe it is so rare for beef to contain E-Coli because (I think) the image in most people's mind is that beef would have to have been TOUCHED by human hands with fecal matter on them, or somehow, in some other random form, have been randomly and weirdly contaminated. This was how I imagined beef becoming contaminated by E-Coli anyway. This is not the case. So then, how does fecal matter end up in our hamburgers? For this explaination we have to look at the whole process of beef processing from start to finish. Farmers raise cows for either beef, or dairy. Either way, inevitably desease happens in every farm. When a cow gets sick and gets the runs, it gets too weak to stand up. Then it ends up covered in it's own fecal matter. A man is called to come pick up the "downed" cow. That man is supposed to take the cow to the "rederer". A machine that chops up the cow to feed to other cows. Often that cow, that sick cow, ends up in the meat plant to be turned into ground beef. How? The man that is supposed to take it to the renderer takes it to the plant to make a quick buck. The farmer takes it to the plant quick before it gets any sicker. Surely, you say, this can't be common. No? Then explain the actions of several meat processing plants who have automatic responses to animals that are too weak to stand up. Documented reports and videotapes abound online of more than one plant where the workers shock, shoot, punch, and poke into the eyeball of cows to MAKE them stand up. See, if they can walk INTO the plant, they are "qualified" as "healthy" and can be turned into beef. If it is uncommon for downer cows to be in ground beef, why would the workers have so much common knowledge of how to make the cows stand and walk in to the plant? Let's forget the fact that the link between downer cows and BSE (mad cow desease) is firmly established and focus on the E-Coli for a moment longer. Here, after walking into the plant, the cows are killed and strung up to be skinned then cut. If however, the cow falls down several times, is ill, defacating from it's illness consistently, falling into it's own defacation, the odds of that beef coming through processing with some kind of fecal contamination is exremely high. Even if it's hosed down, what does a brief hosing down do to remove virus infected fecal matter? Let's divert from the sick cows and take a look at the cows that ARE healthy. With the now common practice of using electric shock to get cows into place in the plant, even healthy cows lose control of their bowels. When they're killed, evenentually even those healthy cows can end up laying on the kill room floor in their own fecal matter. We've now established that beef DOES come through with contamination, and while it's not even close to half of the time, it is often enough and disgusting enough, and CONVINCING enough for me to at LEAST rethink my consumption of beef.
People say it's rare for people to catch E-Coli from beef. They say that people have been eating it for years and have never been sick before. Problem is, E-Coli that kills, and mad cow desease are fairly new to our food chain and their presence is not diminishing ... it's GROWING as the beef industries struggle to keep costs down with rising fuel and inflation and SICKER cows because of the feed containing redered diseased beef. People need money more, sick cows are fed to other cows more commonly (it's not against the law?) and more sick cows are sold ... barely passing as "healthy" bovine. More antibiotics are given to prevent sickness and the sickness mutates to a worse sickness. This is why no one caught E-Coli or mad cow before.
I am not saying all people should stop eating whatever it is they want to eat. I am writing this because I read this book, discovered from multiple sources including under cover investigations that there were gruesome and troubling facts behind it, and feel confused and worried about our need as a consumer to defend our choices of consumption above possibility of risk ... and I'm concerned about our assumption that our food will remain healthy and bacteria free. With our country heading into a recession I think we should all be at least somewhat concerned. Food goes through more processing and shipping now than ever before in our history. Add that fact to an equation that involves a recession forcing a need to cut costs and keep that food coming to the consumer and you get a pretty high probability that our food supply is not going to remain as guaranteed safe as we would like to think it is. I know it's been safe for a long time and that the chances of contracting a deadly strain of E-coli, for now, are somewhat rare ... But with the current number of CONFIRMED cases of yearly E-Coli totalling 20,000 people in the US alone I have to ask myself if I want to continue in my assumption that it will never happen to me? I don't intend to become one of those activists around whom all of their friends feel judged for their choices to continue eating whatever they like. Heck, who knows how long even MY self-imposed ban of ground beef will last! I am only suggesting here we investigate and take seriously the possibility that where things were is not where they are, and that we should all seriously consider some type of change in, at least, how we purchase, prepare, or eat our food. If I decide to eat ground beef again, you can be sure I will be twenty times more vigilant about the quality of the beef, where I buy it, and how I cook it. This is, what I would suggest for all who choose to continue their consumption of beef. My hope is that everyone will at least take a look at the facts out there, and then make some kind of informed decision based on something other than what we've heard from the USDA, our friends (me included!) or our personal limited experience. That said, most people I know make sure beef is cooked to a proper internal temperature, and will continue to do so ... it's the one or two accidental contaminents, or "whoops" when it's too rare, treatment of the animals, the gross out factor, and the rising risk of more determined E-Coli that worries me.
This is sad for me ... believe me! **sigh** I do love my beef!

*sources* Robin Cook- Toxin / Fox, Nicols- Spoiled: What is Happening to Our Food Supply and Why We Are Increasingly At Risk / http://www.hsus.org/farm/news/ournews/undercover_investigation.html / http://www.hsus.org/farm/resources/animals/cattle/faq_mad_cow_disease.html / http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/30/undercover.slaughter.video/index.html / and more ... just google "downed cows", "downer cows", "bovine cruelty", "contaminated beef", or look up the statistics for E-coli on national public health department website

Letting Go

Every day, every week, every year we make choices that impact our present and future. Some of the choices we make turn out well, they advance us ... we can see the positive fruit that is a result of those past choices we made. On the other hand, there are the things we decide on, the actions or in-actions which we may regret and wish we had done differently.
Today I feel God has been speaking to me about letting go. I didn't really get it, didn't really listen well till now (1:30 in the morning).
We hear and see the wisdom of letting go all the time! The wisdom on finding a mate is: As soon as you give up the search, that's when you'll find the one! The wisdom on remembering something you can't remember: As soon as you start thinking about something else, the thing you're trying to remember will come back to you! And my favorite: When you have lost something (not just misplaced, but truly LOST lost something) one day, soon after you stop looking, you see the item you were SURE was gone for good. This, however, does not always translate to our more emotional territories!
Years ago there were circumstances in my life which created what I saw as an even bigger "bad" than the bad circumstances. An imperfect blotch in the middle of a specific assignment I had vowed NOT to mess up ... I had it so much more perfectly planned than it was turning out. From that point forward my goal in this assignment shifted from "doing right" to one of "making up for the wrong". Instead of letting go, forgiving myself and turning it over to God, I picked it up, and said "this is MINE, this is the thing I TRULY messed up". The funny thing is, I didn't know I had done this until tonight. Accused and serving a sentence I only saw effects of in my life! As though in prison and musing, "Gee this circumstance stinks. I want OUT" but having no knowledge of how or why I was there.
The second you give up control of something, is one and the same with the second positive change is free to occur. All this time, I've been carrying around this self imposed burden. The fallout is irritation and annoyance at my inability to MAKE things smooth. Loss of patience and frantic attempts at regaining control follow. This is not in every area of my life, just some areas ... and it's been confusing to me. It's been a mystery! "Why God, why HERE in my life do I have this problem???? Not HERE or HERE or even THERE, but only in this one place???? God, why can't this go away??? God why do I continue this????" Seeking Him desperately for answers and healing. I still don't know why it took me years to hear Him on this. Maybe my heart was not right before. Maybe this letting go and forgiving was a process which required my healing in another area before I could release this one. Regardless, tonight I had revelation that has impacted in a way that goes beyond significant. And it's so simple. Just, forgiveness. Forgive myself. Not even for a grievous sin, but for a law I had given myself and then broken ... and then judged myself for breaking.
To choose unforgiveness with myself means I won't let God redeem my circumstance ... and to have hung on to the this unforgiveness, to have let it impact the most positive parts of my life for SO LONG is so sad. I declare, the past is the PAST. We make our choices with the tools, and ability and wisdom we have at the time, and then we move forward. To carry around our decisions with us ... thinking we can "fix" it .... It's coming up against a dead end , running out of fuse, loosing that fingernails grip, every day when one too many straws drops to the camel's back and we find out we can't make it better.
So here's the short of it: Let's find freedom in the fact that our wounding will mess some things up in our lives, nothing will fully turn out the way we hoped or expected it to, the things that are MOST important to get right will suffer failures (at least from time to time), and, in life, we won't be able to make up for or fix the things we've broken. God can, and will if we agree.
All I have to say is, yes.

Eden's New Hair



Ok, so I know I said I was not going to let her cut her hair again, because it was SO pretty long. But following the massive hair loss in the braiding fiasco her hair was so thin it tangled ten times more than normal and was way more prone to falling out: Thus, the new haircut! Luckily it turned out pretty great, and let's be honest ... Eden is adorable no matter what!

Change Is ...

A rearranging of matter in the universe to allow space for God's elbows as He rolls up His sleeves. =)

I Love


Fluffy white towels, creme brulle, 60's folk music, the outdoors, deep worship, laughing, crying, snuggling and the way my daughter's skin smells. Turquoise, the ocean, spy movies, The Message, candles, dark chocolate, coffee, swimming, listening to my baby and quality. Board games, lodges, area rugs, art, unique people, dreaming, large diamonds, books, and the way rain changes a whole day: it's smell, it's color, everything. Vacation, discovering His Love, photographs, the piano, baby animals, beautiful antiques, sand, raspberries, dancing, cinnamon toothpaste and fabric softner.
I felt a need to experience fresh gratitude and joy in these things I love! =)

Choosing Life

I don't know exactly what this post is going to turn out to be! I only know that I have thoughts swirling in my head regarding our constant process of death to self, and regeneration in Him.
Sometimes that death to self comes in the form of an inward self discovery. He whispers to our Spirit, and we are convicted of injury, illness, lie or sin inside ourselves and are given grace to submit to Him in this area. Somtimes death to self comes in the form of a beating. A circumstance just keeps pounding down on us till we cannot raise ourselves up again in our own strength and it takes His breath of life in that area for us to ever stand again. I believe our greatest times of sanctification ... death to self and regeneration in Him, come when we are faced with this choice: Do things your way, and die, or do things His way, and live. This is the essence of all death to self and yet we are not often so fortunate in our circumstance being this transparent. We all face one death of one kind or another. The question throughout our lives is which kind of death will we choose? To choose the death of the Phoenix seems obviously preferable.
There are moments when my choice between life and death is very vague and cloaked in the gray of my personal thorns, but I long and pray for the days, circumstances and people that provide me the soul altering moments of transparency ... and grant me opportunity to make a choice in the light of His truth ... as opposed to my own.

Satisfaction

If life ends today, what is my feeling? Thought? What would I regret? I would be dissatisfied! I would want more time, more time to have said mine was a job well done ... rather than just "sometimes ok". I would want to have drawn closer to Him. Been kinder to everyone and less impatient, especially with my daughter. I would want more time to teach my daughter all the things I feel I have not taught her yet, and more time to love her and protect her; For teaching her, loving and protecting her are my greatest joys and my highest honor. I would be quiet more, laugh more and waste less time on meaningless things like television, surfing the internet and worrying. I would want every moment to be directed by Him, and in communion with Him, for only in that way would I have surely lived each moment and day and year to the utmost. Lord, grant me a divine disatisfaction with less than each step being solely directed by you.